Endless Beginning

In the year and a half since I last posted many things have changed and several more have stayed the same. While I have lost about 12 % body fat from a year ago.. I hadn’t actually lost even 1 lb! Supposedly wise folks, have stated that ‘lifestyle change last best when implemented slowly’. I have the Slow part down pat! All kidding aside I have gradually made changes in the food and exercise department. Whilst the title of my blog won’t be changing… I finally have bike commuting down and would appreciate opportunity to explore other issues. A barrier dissolved within me, as an internal experience from a recent triathlon base camp I attended. I want; no I need to employ this advantage while I am aware of it! Surely I am not alone in these experiences! I am anticipating suggestions, comments, stories, and even a few wonderful connections with amazing individuals.

As my awareness regarding ‘healthy’ foods has shifted or deepened, from once considering, Healthy Choice frozen, dinners, Campbell’s low sodium soup & low fat cheese pizza to more whole wheat, homemade alternatives, to organics, reducing, then mostly removing dairy, and most recently exposure to Paleo, Vegan and Raw via thriving athletes, I have metamorphed via osmosis into a more aware food consumer. This is an ongoing process with slips and falls off the wagon of purity. Indeed the wagon shape-shifts too. There’s so much information, much of conflicting, much of it body specific and even mental specific. How aware am I, How much fortitude do I have to withstand the siren call of an extra crunchy thin cheese & turkey pepperoni & veggie pizza, or chocolate ice-cream. Some of the struggle involves emotional eating. Other bits of the battle mean a gentle wooing of dear friends to understanding the current idea of ‘healthy foods’ and learning methods to divert politely away from a well intentioned home cooked or night out meal involving veggies drowning in butter, oodles of pasta and cheese. Still other struggles are simply the logistics. Buying, preparing and packing lunch and snacks for a full day. No matter the choice, eating ‘healthy’ is a daily challenge.

My self supported delusions aren’t just about food. I’ve been expending plenty of energy deluding myself about exercise, instead of exerting energy actually exercising! After all wasn’t I exercising more than a few girlfriends? Come on people I was riding my bike to work after all! I was walking some mornings. Heck I even began playing (and enjoying!) league volleyball. Regardless the fact remains the vivid white elephant in the room that I am fat and they aren’t. Oh sure, one can be PC and talk about being Fat & Fit, but at the end of the study, the facts still say obesity is a leading contributor to numerous health ailments. Besides that, being fat isn’t fun no matter how jolly one looks. Ask me. Achy knees, sure, slower than anyone else at the same activity, check, spending more $$ for plus-size clothes, yep, always searching for a better bra, totally. Being fat takes a lot of work.

The thing is becoming not-fat takes even more work initially. Monumental gargantuan effort is needed to get the ball rolling. Even more enormous energy is required to sustain any momentum, however small, when faced with the slightest bump in the path. I am not talking just personal physical energy, but also personal and community spiritual input. Change goes against the flow. Change is uncomfortable, even when for a good cause, can be scary. My success will be aided with sincere community support. Yet all the community effort, friendly concerned comments, or ‘diet programs’, gym plans, quick fix pills will continue to fail without spiritual awareness.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes my path is all bumps and no trail. There was a time when I was reeling, feeling very alone, and cheap food offered plentiful false comfort. My granny was murdered; I survived divorce, then the death of a dating companion, then a brush with cancer. A few other pain filled moments in life and finally a little something cracked. With no place to go but up or out… I began reaching for sunshine. Slowly a spiritual expansion sprouted.

A few books opened windows to a brighter, easier way for thinking. The first time I read” You can be Happy No Matter What”, “The Three Pillars of Zen”, “The Road Less Traveled”, I growled, I grumbled, yet a line somewhere stirred a hope within me. I reread the books. I read others. I began writing a quote of the week on my bathroom mirror. It felt odd. I felt false. Enough good feeling resulted for my persistence. Over time, I forgot to pretend, I simply was. A better spiritual emotional base lends its strength to notice other personal aspects that present opportunity for change. This happened until finally a trigger-point for action is reached.

I bought the Bianchi. I really exerted effort, yet still I was stumbling. Gaining endurance, but no speed, I was eating organics including plenty of organic pizza and chocolate ice-cream. I have wallowed in this purgatory for some time. I was trying to exercise, reading or hearing podcasts (but maybe not Really Listening…)but still not making drastic enough changes. All that changed recently. The beginning of my path towards a fitter self was shared. Wisdom these kind souls gave to me continues to illuminate the trail further ahead.

Please share the journey if you wish