Even Snow Flakes Are Bigger in Texas

Trapped in the courthouse, I could see the promised Snow blowing in sideways, even if it was 5 hours late! It was sticking to the roofs and resettling into the lone set of shoe prints on the sidewalk below. Finally word filtered through, the county judge had closed all county functions early!  In the parking lot the TDI had a covering of snow! Once home I changed into thicker wool socks, boots, jeans and 2 jackets to go out and play. Snow isn't common in this part of Texas.

 Zach charged out the  back door to come to a screeching halt, alternating having one foot in the air at all times for a quick bathroom break. Scottie Zach is a rescue  that made his way into my heart and home from New Orleans. Initially he wasn't keen on wet cold feet. I leashed Zach and we were off, out the front door for a walk to the park. The first park didn't have much snow, but lots of mud, so we walked on to the next park. I should have dressed a little lighter! Scrapping snow together until I had enough to begin rolling it around was exercise! I got hot. I can feel the backs of my thighs today. I was determined to build a snowman, though! After the base was created I took a break to play with Zach.

 Everyone needs a dog to clown and play with. I laughed so hard my face hurt. People came up and videoed him being such an exuberant loon. Before playing in the snow, Zach had always been indifferent to the idea of 'fetch'. Now he was hurling his low-slung form across the white, brown and green splotched ground with intense focus, snatching the snowball into his teeth and shaking it to bits before returning the dog-slimed iceball in his mouth to my feet. He even began jumping up to 'catch' snowballs.  A group of college students from India clapped and cheered Zach on. At some point Zach noted that the flakes were falling from the sky... this lead to a fiendish dancing Scottie rushing about on hind legs snapping and jumping for flakes in the air. Once he was soaked through and his tongue was hanging almost to the ground, I went back to scrapping and rolling and squashing snow into a snowman shape.

 When dark arrived, we reluctantly began walking back to the house. Along the way, Zach spotted a stunned chilled goldfinch in the road. I took off my woolen, scooped it up in a gloved hand and tucked the wee bird into my hat and hand for the rest of the walk. Once home, I fixed my frozen guest up in a small box, still inside the hat, on a heating pad, locked in the bathroom away from curious Scots & malicious Manx. I packed my swim bag, hoping there would still be snow in the morning. Imagine how surreal it would be to swim in the heated outdoor pool and see snow on the ground! Sadly, the snow was melted into ice and the pool was closed due to icy roads. I rode my bike on the rollers for an hour instead of going to the pool. Happily, the feathered guest launched himself immediately after I wired his box to a tree and released the tape.

RunTex: Getting My First Running Shoes

 I wouldn't say I am your typical woman, with an overwhelming penchant for shoes. My closet isn't full of 5 slightly different black heels (I do have 1 perfect pair of Taryn Rose black patent heels). But I drove a little over 2 hours to go shoe shopping. Crazy I know! My town isn’t blessed with a shoe store like this one, nor did I feel knowledgeable enough to take the quest online. I needed expert help!

 My entire trip to Austin was to go to RunTex. I had been told they were the experts for running shoe fittings. Austin may be a mecca... they have Lances shop, Mellow Johnnys(very cool art bikes there), an awesome Farmers Market alliance, Whole Foods and REI among a myriad of other great places.   I prepped the night before, managed a few activities before visiting the store & a few more after. Getting to RunTex was easy. The one I went to was on a main corridor. I whipped into the parking lot, opened my roof completely, rolled the windows down just above Scottie width, filled a very tired Zachs water bowl & set out his newly purchased collapsible bowl with dinner and a chewie.

 The interior of the store was large and my initial gaze displayed nary a shoe in sight. To say the store was sparsely populated with merchandise would be an understatement! The was not like my first visit to Bicycle Sports Shop when I was overwhelmed by a warehouse size bike store in which  each section for a bike type was larger than any of the 3 bike shops at home. Nah, I was underwhelmed (so much so, I didn't even take any pictures)! The wide open space had a counter island offset of center and little round seating modules. The sales crew was busy with a goodly selection of clients though...so there had to be merchandise. Tucked under the catwalk overhang of a second floor along the back wall were two nooks. One contained socks & running accessories such as hydration belts, the other, 2 small wall displays of shoes. My stomach was feeling a little tense. How was there going to be a shoe in this small selection for my wide, high-arched, externally-rotating-over-pronating feet (according to my Gold’s Gym trainer) in this small selection? I wasn't even sure how to begin asking.

 I was feeling a little like I had felt initially at triathlon camp. What the hec was a chubby person like me doing in a running shoe store?  I stood there awkwardly, not even pretending to review the small selection of shoes.  I was aware I wasn’t there looking for a cool coloured shoe.An blonde woman that resembled my air-cooled VW mechanic, (whom I adore) and whose original language was possibly Germanic finished with her client and offered to assist me.  I explained what I had been doing,  saying I had been wearing MBTs for walk-running,  and that I was there to get fitted for real running shoes.  She had me remove shoes & socks, measured both feet, looked at the bottoms & edges, and then had me walk & jog bare feet. After commenting my extremely high arches, she said they had two different shoes for me to try. I tried the shoes, which included walking, running and jumping, along with her feeling my feet in them. They both felt good. Maybe my heel slipped slightly in the first pair. Whatever the reason, she selected the 2nd pair as 'perfect for my feet'.  She was very kind and brisk, yet I had troubles clearing my ears of her accent, so I’m not exactly sure why these two shoes were the only ones for my foot structure and gait. Being new to this, I also didn't really have any concerns or questions aside from how many miles before I should replace them.

 I left with a pair of Saucony and a pair of socks(Since yesterday, Ive used the shoes twice, give me a few more times  & I’ll talk about them.). While the interior of the store didn't have the eye-candy appeal of a gazillion tennis shoes in a myriad of colours, they definitely had knowledgeable staff concerned about getting you into the perfect shoe for your specific combination of foot structure and gait. You don’t get this level of knowledgeable staff or concern at those other shoe stores!  Every client was put thru the same exam and paces that I had been.  Many were engaged in serious conversation with their shoe fitting expert.  I left with my new shoes feeling that I had benefited from the quality caring that my RunTex staff person had served me with.  RunTex is a quality instead of quantity place. I'll be back in the store in about 500 miles. Next time, who knows, maybe I’ll even be aware enough to have a few questions.


 Once back to the car, I could see Zach sleeping, kibble untouched. The days driving and activities had worn him out already,  and we were off the Barton Springs trails to test the new shoes next!

Routine: Or Getting Organized

 I made it to the pool this morning! It helps to have the bug back.

 Last night after Body Flow, I packed my swim bag(clothes for work, girly stuff) & got my swimsuit out.  Then I got my gym bag ready for my functional weights session during lunch. Next  was kitchen work. Prepping cat, dog & my own breakfasts, & getting lunch & snacks together.Slightly before my 4 AM alarm rang, I rolled over to check my phone for time. Close enough, so I hopped out of bed. A few minutes later Scottie Zach & I were out the door to discover the dark before the day.

 These predawn forays into the neighborhood are increasing my endurance and my boldness. Today we went along the creek near my house  until we hit a main road then came back along the trail. Scottie Zach was in high-spirits, running backwards to encourage my speed. We both slowed down respectful of a striped skunks abilities that we couldn't outrun. That skunk was the only being we saw the entire walk run.

Back at the house to transition for a morning swim. I wriggled into my swimsuit, damped my hair down & sleeked it with conditioner then pulled it into a pony tail.(I am hoping this keeps me from getting green hair.) Next was breakfast for everyone.Teeth Brushed, 1/2 of my crock pot oatmeal(thanks to @holisiticguru recipe!)packed for after swim snack, I was ready, but first I had to get Mollie to come inside. Now running late, I pulled out of the driveway, car packed with 3 bags for the day.

 At the pool I slipped into a lane, waved & said 'howdy' to the swimmer in the next lane(thought it was @ZenTriathlon) and started off with a few rounds of breast stroke. Then, I swam with my fingertips on a board practicing bubbles and breathing for most of forty-five minutes.  The last 15 minutes I swam without the board. This is an improvement, believe it or not. The was less swallowed air to be burped out!  In the locker room, my lack of routine was discovered.

 I forgot my shampoo & comb, and lotion. OK I can do without this stuff. I had planned to wear a pony tail all day after my hair dried any way.(Needed to be comfortable for our Office Olympics!) Dry enough to wriggle into clothes.. my true lack of organization showed. Remember I packed all my stuff for the day yesterday while dinner was cooking. There I was winter boots, jeans and a Waco Outback Bicycles t-shirt.. & no skivvies. No time to go home and no place open on the way to work to pick-up a pair.  Luckily, I don't think anyone from work reads my blog...

 I'll either improve or need to leave a bag full of assorted spares for Anything.  I could  have forgotten my pants... HA!

Food and Sleep: The Days After a Night Out

Food and Sleep

Yesterday, after a trip to Golds gym during lunch  & a shower to fluff up..  I was off to the Houston House of Blues for  a show. Even with planning for the infamous traffic, we got stuck in a jam, so ended up dining at The Hobbit Cafe rather than the Cuban place planned. With home baked whole grain breads, locally grown veggies an a host of vegetarian delights, along with a tasteful collection of deluxe micro-beers beers, I felt everyone could discover a pleasurable meal that Chrisitne Lynch might even consider a reasonable occasional indulgence.

Hobbit Cafe makes it own breads and the interior smells like your grandmas kitchen on fifteen different days all combined into one short visit. I ordered a sandwich packed with veggies and a fresh fruit side. But there was also a huge platter of sprouts, veggies, salsa & guacamole & chips. I ate some, then I ate a few more. I should have put 1/2my dinner in a to-go-box.. but I had skipped my evening snack on the ride in, not wishing to eat in front of others with ought to offer them...(was This simply an excuse?) And the beer... I enjoyed a Left Hand Milk Stout!  It was the most incredible beer I've had to date.. I should have switched to only water at the show.. rather than 1 more Guinness( As I must whisper... it didn't compare being in a CAN). Really, I learned a few lessons for better utilization next time, but don't feel too badly here.


The House of Blues is situated in a nice area of downtown Houston, close the the Convention Center, with a comfortably dark cheery interior, perfectly sized for interactive, even intimate shows. A quick parking & brisk walk and I was in. I had missed the first band Architects. Frank Turner & His Band were on next. I wrangled a Guinness & enjoyed an impromptu dance with a Viking throwback, who promptly introduced me to his cohorts, including a guy with a Mohawk( I resisted the urge to ask to touch his hair!) I had buddies now, for the mosh pit! I'll definitely be adding this band to my Pandora collection and buying a cd or three. The singer had an emotional voice and incredible energy! The bass guitar was worth watching simply because he was drinking Heineken & getting knockered. I kept wondering when he was going to fall over. Ditching my jacket I headed for front & center. Celtic rock mosh isn't like metal or death metal-mosh. There's a kind of warm, fuzzy, connected feeling to all the jumping, sweat, smashing & spinning. I love it. Stage presence and energy, Flogging Molly has in excess!  They gave unstintingly to to the crowd & the energy boomeranged back to the band infinitely increased. Sadly the show had to end, if only so I can anticipate another great show in my future.

Dripping sweat off my bangs, soaked completely through, I rejoined my companions for the drive back to Aggieland. Everyone wanted snacks & water, so we pulled into a gas station. I had planned ahead... but there are probably ways I could have done better(aside from not going!) I stayed in the van & asked for a water. In my bag I had a mix veggie, mango & ginger smoothie with protein powder added, & a salmon cup. Whislt everyone else is eating Hershey's, Little Debbie's(this was even a 1-time triathlete), & ice cream sandwiches, I was sporking up my salmon. I think it was good that I planned ahead & packed healthy snacks, yet I failed with food earlier in the evening, while still at dinner.


  I couldn't sleep last night been wound up from all the fun & music. This morning I was a whimpering, sleepy, sullen, when I stumbled towards the shower. And Thursdays are 'work family' breakfasts here in IT... Breakfast offerings included an overabundance of  breakfast tacos in assorted meaty varieties, tangelos, grapes, two kinds of doughnuts & a Mardi Gras cake. The set-up for a fall is all in place and all self-created. Holding back, I selected 2 tacos, doctored them up with salsa  and added both colours of grapes to the plate, along with a stout cuppa Scottish Breakfast tea. I was holding back. I didn't get a doughnut or ... well not then anyway....

 For myself, it seems that when one is sleepy, one is hungry. Does any one else experience this phenomena? Apparently so, yet the debate rages on in circular fashion. What came first? Lack of sleep, or overeating/extra hunger sensations? Regardless of which may be contributing to the cause the treatment may be the same.... Always eat healthy well planned small meals and snacks that are within your lifestyle diet needs and consistently get a goodly amount of sleep. I hadn't realized the impact of being sleepy on the next day... I was tired, knees sore from the mosh & it was extra-cold for this part of Texas... I ended up eating another breakfast taco a few more grapes & a corner off the King Cake. Planning ahead doesn't just include packing snacks for the night of an event so avaliable food/drink alternatives exist to reduce or mitigate impact from the fun activity..it also needs to extend to the next day or 2... Being sleep deprived, sore, tired, (or even hungover) all affect energy levels for planned  exercise, and hunger levels(or at least perceived hunger). The two days after the event, portion control was difficult to maintain an awareness of. I ate too much and only realized it because I was uncomfortably full later. Sensations of fullness increased sleepiness leading to a choice for sleep rather than exercise.  These are all primitive triggers from my cave-man ancestors that I need to be aware of and possibly mostly ignore. In this modern world, I have more to fear from over-eating than I do from under-eating. My body is an incredibly efficient energy storage system that I need to convert to a wasteful energy burning model!


 I am not sure how to plan ahead to deal with the sleepy-hungries the day after an event out. Its possible that all one can do is be aware that you will be plagued by these sensations and to ignore them. Do some of you make a choice to not engage in any activities of social nature when training for an event? I am trying to approach this as a lifestyle adaptation... so my preference is for incorporating these events (how could I skip a Flogging Molly show?) into life. By incorporating social venues into the month, I remove any ideas of deprivation. I did OK picking a restaurant.. I could have made better choices within the restaurant and better choices at the show... as much as I was sweating 2 stouts wasn't even going to provide any bit of blurry. I am wondering what you do? How often?

Choices and Circumstances

  Saturday evening I went for a walk-run at Lick Creek Park with Scottie Zach. On the way I swerved to miss a sudden loose dog and hit a rock.  Had a pretty steady walking pace, even did ok running, practicing  good form. Back at the car, I loaded Zach, cranked the motor and flooded the ground with a pool of oil. The pressure from starting the car had blown the hole open.  This is just one of  those life issues that we all have to either accept and continue our self-improving actions or employ as an excuse.

 The old me would have been bummed, worried about the financial impact, used this as an excuse to stress-eat, or skulk about in pj's.New me is no less concerned regarding financial impact(there is SO Much exercise stuff I need), and worry about if this fried the diesel motor but also is Bummed that making the pool without a car is next to impossible, so I realized I needed to revamp my exercise plans for the week. If it was summer I could ride to the pool yet realistically, I am not fit enough to pedal an 45 minutes to the pool, swim, then pedal 45 minutes, home(with wet hair in low 40* temps), then clean-up into work clothes switch bikes & pedal into work. So how to best revamp?

 Hoping the temps would warm a bit, I slept in Sunday. At 11:30 as ready as I could be, I headed out the door Carlos, TX bound.  15-20 mph gusts were avaliable to provide 'hills' and cloud cover guaranteed no sunburn worries. Even at 44*, a few miles of pedaling meant I was ready to strip down a little from what I had on.Well I tried to unzip the sleeves while pedaling... someone should have secretly been videoing this performance! After pulling off into an oil derrick drive, I had to divest of the camel-back, completely take off the convertible jacket/vest to get the sleeves off. While I was stuffing the sleeves & wool mitt gloves into the the bungee on the camel-back, an older man pulled in to check if I was ok( how nice is that!). then I was off.

My bike computer was on, but not registering anything aside from time. Yet after a few minutes of fruitless messing with it, I just wanted to get going.  I knew where I was going, the approximate mileage and really at my level.. its about getting out and doing the planned activity. My goal was to make it there and back, pedaling at my steady(until inclines)12 mph or so pace.Alan Watts was wedged in one ear while the traffic -side ear was open to hear humming dually tires. Pedaling was warmer than staying still, so after a  divesting of sleeves I was eager to be moving.

It was a chilly ride, providing motivation for continued movement. Being alone,at first I didn't have the discipline to not stop when needing a drink of Vega Sport fuel( I love this drink! It is so much more palatable than a grocery store bought sports drink I tried! Its not super-sweet and doesn't leave a chemical flavoured aftertaste.) out of the cage, but a few times of doing that & having my knees cool down to stiffness, snuffed that bad habit. The trick for me is not only learning what refueling and re-hydration needs, but trying the find the minimum amount of foods that will meet this need. After all I am lugging an extra person along, squeezed into my skin with me.. so I am all about burning the fat up fuel. I made it to the biker(Harley) cantina & gas station/hamburger joint where I celebrated with the most incredible chocolate milk. The timing was lucky too as my tummy was upset from the soy-chorizo tacos for breakfast.

Pedaling back home the temperature went up a few degrees at the same time the humidity and wind increased, so it felt colder. Along the way, I passed  a swarm of turkey-buzzards feasting on a recently hit-by-car-deer, a few cyclists pedaling the other way & a couple of guys way out, running. I also stopped once to get a picture of a baby exotic deer. I was almost home! Feeling a surge of excitement for success(or complete loss of social decorum), here's where the crazy part began.

 Almost home!At a main intersection with about 5-6 miles to go, I started yelling out-loud to myself."Almost home. Go Dawn, Go! SPRINT! Pedal Faster! SPRINT!Faster!Change Light! SPRINT!" Pickup drivers weren't honking at me for taking the lane on the bridge overpass. They were trying to decide is I was off my meds! HA! No one was avaliable to cheer me on, so I had be my own cheering squad. Well my sprint may be slower than Lance Armstrong's warm-up ride on a tricycle, but I sustained as hard as I could. My breathing may have sounded similar to a sumo wrestler trying to run a mile. When I got to the house, I looped around for a mile until my breathing was back to normal.

 After peeling out of cold sweaty clothes, I crawled under the electric blanket to warm up. This didn't work so I finally took a hot shower.  A salmon cup for a snack, then I was out the door with an impatient Scottie for a walk. Plan for the rest of the week since I cant make the pool, 90 minutes walk-run in the mornings, my regular Golds gym days for functional weights, & bike rollers & dog walk in the evening. I will not allow the car being broke to derail  me in more than I can possible help.

Zentriathlon Base Camp 2009: My View

 Triathlon camp was really good.  I was the only girl, the only beginner, & the only chubby person to participate in the entire camp. (Let me add there were 2 accomplished female triathletes at camp, but their schedules prevented complete participation to their dismay!) I was very lucky that the athletes involved were kind & friendly towards having a none-athletic body type in their midst. It was a good way for me to see firsthand just how we all delude ourselves regarding exercise & lifestyle food choices.(I Had been walking, and eating whole-grain organics after all...)  Let me say the delusion lasted until I walked in and Saw these people up close! Suddenly I was thinking, “What the hec, am I doing here, am I nuts!” I was hesitant but determined to be humble & stubborn enough to do the activity regardless but prepared to be dropped or left. Getting suited to swim in the pool with these 6-11% body fat guys was test of determination. Luckily everyone was already busy swimming when I arrived at the lanes, so someone invited me into his lane & told me about pool etiquette.  A few years ago such action would have been almost impossible for me. Spiritual expansion has allowed development of patience and certainly grateful humbleness along with enough internal strength to tackle another life improvement. The road goes ever on.

 Day 1: Morning discussions/lectures, vegan/raw cooking demonstration for lunch, followed by 5 hours at TAMU Recreation Center . Athletes were videoed at different intensities for run and swim then form critique & suggestions for improvement. I'd never heard of running cadence. I couldn't understand that I could go slowly, yet still have a 90 beats a minute cadence. I'll be working on this for some time. My idea of walk-run was way more walk than run & a slow run... Our vegan, organic, lunch was surprisingly fantastic thanks to @holisticguru, Chrisitn Lynch.  I would say running will be the hardest sport for me, simply due to impact and the never ending search for enough support for a large chest that still allows one to breathe.

Day 2: Same format as Day 1, but adding in core strength training & bike fitting.  This was pretty interesting. It was decided that I might benefit from wider handle bars. My Bianchi Dama Elle has female specific geometry, yet I have broad shoulders, and my hands are in the bar curves, thus my wrists, hands and finally arms fall asleep. Every one received a few tips and I enjoyed a chance to really look at some very nice bikes! Next we were off to TAMU Recreation Center again. After wearing ourselves out at the gym, it was back to camp for the most incredible 5 star gourmet, vegan,meal ever!  This is easily my new favorite dinner! Who would have ever thought vegan could taste so GOOD?

  At the gym, being a very beginner, I simply swam... swallowing air & water when-ever I took a breathe. I asked what to do so I wouldn't need to burp (voraciously!) This is such a simple issue that initially no-one had a response! One triathlete, Brian( @triboomer) showed me how to use various equipment and to develop an idea regarding swim drills. Another athlete in my lane finally discovered my issue. Bubbles! Simply blowing bubbles! Or expelling air while underwater. Proper breathing. I wasn't doing this! I was trying to blow out and suck air in during that 1 second your head is sideways in the water. Such a basic concept, yet I didn’t know it. Combining this information with Brians tips for the lap board, I am getting better!

Day 3: The 70 mile Ride of Truth.  I felt that it was important for me emotionally to finish the ride with the group, so I opted out of joining them on the morning section of the course (due to the hill climbs). Instead, I tossed my bike & gear in a girlfriends CRV & we hosted a 1/2 way snack & hydration station. After riders refueled, we were off. Immediately I realized that since I had been riding without a computer, I didn't know what 15mph felt like. Right away I realized I wouldn't be able to sustain that for 3 1/2 - 4 hours.  I had planned to be last, to be dropped, so while I was bummed to think this, realistically I had expected it. I was sorry to miss out on the camaraderie of the group, but there is no-way I could have pedaled and talked at 15mph for 40 miles. It takes me about 3-5 miles to settle in on the bike; to have my breathing comfortable & a pedaling rhythm that's smooth.

 Rich Roll ended up riding alongside me for some miles. At first this startled me.  My imagination was quick to provide flashing views of increasingly worse headlines shouting about a non-triathlete beginner, wrecking into him and shutting down his season before it even began! This alone made me almost wobble into him twice. Luckily for me, he didn't react in panic or disgust, so as my thoughts settled, so did my pedaling. He'd never ridden in central Texas before past cows or horses while I can barely imagine riding in Malibu. Rich emits solid calm strength. He is a wonderful riding companion, while we didn't speak alot, I appreciated his amicable silence. I hope I get to ride with him again.
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 At a road change, the group waited for us and another rider, John(a local firefighter/Marine/rodeo peacher/ultra-runner), dropped to my slow 12 mph with a few others to give me an idea about drafting and riding in a group.  This was fun and nerve racking as I worried about hitting the tire in front of mine, but a few times I could feel the benefit of being out of the wind. After the group disappeared into the horizon, I pedaled beside John. Every mile for him was a mile farther than he had ever ridden, after mile 30! His body builder frame slowed him down to my pace and we shared conversation depths, I have rarely shared with another. I have been gifted with a friend, from this ride. There is truth to the statement that one really can get to know another during a several hour base pace training ride!

 I ended the ride only about 20 minutes behind the 15 mph group and dismounted my bike crazily hyper and energized! We enjoyed another good vegan meal. We were supposed to do yoga then go to the pool, yet everyone was tired. I wasn't. I was vibrating with energy! I can't pinpoint why. The vegan food, the accepting kindness of and from all the triathletes, the my vega sports drink...somehow I got everything right as far as hydration, food, speed, distance! I went home, made a grocery list off of Christine Lynchs suggestions & hit the store, then another grocery as the closer one didn't have much on the list. Came home and took Scottie Zach out for a 1 hour walk. Finally around midnight I forced myself to lie down.

Day 4: The last day of camp. The Long Run Day. After a morning chat about 'Going Long', we were off to run or run walk, or in my case walk-run for 2 hours. As empowered and incredible as I felt the day before on and after the bike ride... this day imprinted itself on me exactly the opposite. Don't misunderstand please. I am not complaining, more pointing out that Any other run-walk will be an improvement. It was a trail run. I have been walk-running in MBTS. I stumbled into a pair for free.( In another post I'll say how these have been fantastic shoes for me.) My smooth bottomed MBTs weren't built with rainy wet muddy trail conditions in mind. I kept slipping & falling, trying not to wrench any leg muscles. It was frustrating. My legs were muddy.My feet were wet. My shoes were wet and muddy.

 My goal was to keep moving the entire time, complete 1 loop and concentrate on 'proper running form'. Practicing proper running form, I experienced equipment failure. The bra I had been so excited about only a few months prior was failing. It was no-longer a no-bounce sports bra for an F shaped gal. My mind got stuck in a negative loop, wondering what I was doing out in the mud, trying to run. Was I crazy?! Now I was angry, frustrated and disappointed, but still not wanting to fail the simple goal of finishing what I had said I would do. Tear stained, tired, with no sense of joy, I stumbled back into the parking lot. I had completed my 1 loop, finished what I said I would do. I just wanted to fall asleep right there. A few athletes were already there awaiting the rest. After asking how I did and receiving stormy frustrated tears in reply, they offered me much commentary to mull over.

 We enjoyed one last vegan inspired meal together and an incredible stretching session, then these great companions began to filter back towards their own lives. In only 4 days, these individuals had come to be very important to me. Knowingly or not, their comments, kindness, encouragement, cajoling, tips, and very lives of leading by example of action have strongly impacted my future choices. The choice to attend camp I made, with no expectation of what it might bring to my life. I can't say if it was the choice to attend, the exercise, camaraderie, understanding of the drive for improvement, or the focus on competing against yesterdays self, yet I departed an integrally altered individual. I have much to do till death drops in for a visit, and a new awareness of role models I will hold before my mind’s eye.

 One last thing. I went home, and crashed into sleep for a two hour nap.  45 minutes after I was awake, I was in the outdoor pool swimming in a lane next to @Zentriathlon and John Hirsch. I didn't swim as long, as fast, or as much distance as they did, but I swam. A triumph over the ugliness of the morning run! Am I crazy? Yes!

Endless Beginning

In the year and a half since I last posted many things have changed and several more have stayed the same. While I have lost about 12 % body fat from a year ago.. I hadn’t actually lost even 1 lb! Supposedly wise folks, have stated that ‘lifestyle change last best when implemented slowly’. I have the Slow part down pat! All kidding aside I have gradually made changes in the food and exercise department. Whilst the title of my blog won’t be changing… I finally have bike commuting down and would appreciate opportunity to explore other issues. A barrier dissolved within me, as an internal experience from a recent triathlon base camp I attended. I want; no I need to employ this advantage while I am aware of it! Surely I am not alone in these experiences! I am anticipating suggestions, comments, stories, and even a few wonderful connections with amazing individuals.

As my awareness regarding ‘healthy’ foods has shifted or deepened, from once considering, Healthy Choice frozen, dinners, Campbell’s low sodium soup & low fat cheese pizza to more whole wheat, homemade alternatives, to organics, reducing, then mostly removing dairy, and most recently exposure to Paleo, Vegan and Raw via thriving athletes, I have metamorphed via osmosis into a more aware food consumer. This is an ongoing process with slips and falls off the wagon of purity. Indeed the wagon shape-shifts too. There’s so much information, much of conflicting, much of it body specific and even mental specific. How aware am I, How much fortitude do I have to withstand the siren call of an extra crunchy thin cheese & turkey pepperoni & veggie pizza, or chocolate ice-cream. Some of the struggle involves emotional eating. Other bits of the battle mean a gentle wooing of dear friends to understanding the current idea of ‘healthy foods’ and learning methods to divert politely away from a well intentioned home cooked or night out meal involving veggies drowning in butter, oodles of pasta and cheese. Still other struggles are simply the logistics. Buying, preparing and packing lunch and snacks for a full day. No matter the choice, eating ‘healthy’ is a daily challenge.

My self supported delusions aren’t just about food. I’ve been expending plenty of energy deluding myself about exercise, instead of exerting energy actually exercising! After all wasn’t I exercising more than a few girlfriends? Come on people I was riding my bike to work after all! I was walking some mornings. Heck I even began playing (and enjoying!) league volleyball. Regardless the fact remains the vivid white elephant in the room that I am fat and they aren’t. Oh sure, one can be PC and talk about being Fat & Fit, but at the end of the study, the facts still say obesity is a leading contributor to numerous health ailments. Besides that, being fat isn’t fun no matter how jolly one looks. Ask me. Achy knees, sure, slower than anyone else at the same activity, check, spending more $$ for plus-size clothes, yep, always searching for a better bra, totally. Being fat takes a lot of work.

The thing is becoming not-fat takes even more work initially. Monumental gargantuan effort is needed to get the ball rolling. Even more enormous energy is required to sustain any momentum, however small, when faced with the slightest bump in the path. I am not talking just personal physical energy, but also personal and community spiritual input. Change goes against the flow. Change is uncomfortable, even when for a good cause, can be scary. My success will be aided with sincere community support. Yet all the community effort, friendly concerned comments, or ‘diet programs’, gym plans, quick fix pills will continue to fail without spiritual awareness.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes my path is all bumps and no trail. There was a time when I was reeling, feeling very alone, and cheap food offered plentiful false comfort. My granny was murdered; I survived divorce, then the death of a dating companion, then a brush with cancer. A few other pain filled moments in life and finally a little something cracked. With no place to go but up or out… I began reaching for sunshine. Slowly a spiritual expansion sprouted.

A few books opened windows to a brighter, easier way for thinking. The first time I read” You can be Happy No Matter What”, “The Three Pillars of Zen”, “The Road Less Traveled”, I growled, I grumbled, yet a line somewhere stirred a hope within me. I reread the books. I read others. I began writing a quote of the week on my bathroom mirror. It felt odd. I felt false. Enough good feeling resulted for my persistence. Over time, I forgot to pretend, I simply was. A better spiritual emotional base lends its strength to notice other personal aspects that present opportunity for change. This happened until finally a trigger-point for action is reached.

I bought the Bianchi. I really exerted effort, yet still I was stumbling. Gaining endurance, but no speed, I was eating organics including plenty of organic pizza and chocolate ice-cream. I have wallowed in this purgatory for some time. I was trying to exercise, reading or hearing podcasts (but maybe not Really Listening…)but still not making drastic enough changes. All that changed recently. The beginning of my path towards a fitter self was shared. Wisdom these kind souls gave to me continues to illuminate the trail further ahead.

Please share the journey if you wish