Choices and Circumstances

  Saturday evening I went for a walk-run at Lick Creek Park with Scottie Zach. On the way I swerved to miss a sudden loose dog and hit a rock.  Had a pretty steady walking pace, even did ok running, practicing  good form. Back at the car, I loaded Zach, cranked the motor and flooded the ground with a pool of oil. The pressure from starting the car had blown the hole open.  This is just one of  those life issues that we all have to either accept and continue our self-improving actions or employ as an excuse.

 The old me would have been bummed, worried about the financial impact, used this as an excuse to stress-eat, or skulk about in pj's.New me is no less concerned regarding financial impact(there is SO Much exercise stuff I need), and worry about if this fried the diesel motor but also is Bummed that making the pool without a car is next to impossible, so I realized I needed to revamp my exercise plans for the week. If it was summer I could ride to the pool yet realistically, I am not fit enough to pedal an 45 minutes to the pool, swim, then pedal 45 minutes, home(with wet hair in low 40* temps), then clean-up into work clothes switch bikes & pedal into work. So how to best revamp?

 Hoping the temps would warm a bit, I slept in Sunday. At 11:30 as ready as I could be, I headed out the door Carlos, TX bound.  15-20 mph gusts were avaliable to provide 'hills' and cloud cover guaranteed no sunburn worries. Even at 44*, a few miles of pedaling meant I was ready to strip down a little from what I had on.Well I tried to unzip the sleeves while pedaling... someone should have secretly been videoing this performance! After pulling off into an oil derrick drive, I had to divest of the camel-back, completely take off the convertible jacket/vest to get the sleeves off. While I was stuffing the sleeves & wool mitt gloves into the the bungee on the camel-back, an older man pulled in to check if I was ok( how nice is that!). then I was off.

My bike computer was on, but not registering anything aside from time. Yet after a few minutes of fruitless messing with it, I just wanted to get going.  I knew where I was going, the approximate mileage and really at my level.. its about getting out and doing the planned activity. My goal was to make it there and back, pedaling at my steady(until inclines)12 mph or so pace.Alan Watts was wedged in one ear while the traffic -side ear was open to hear humming dually tires. Pedaling was warmer than staying still, so after a  divesting of sleeves I was eager to be moving.

It was a chilly ride, providing motivation for continued movement. Being alone,at first I didn't have the discipline to not stop when needing a drink of Vega Sport fuel( I love this drink! It is so much more palatable than a grocery store bought sports drink I tried! Its not super-sweet and doesn't leave a chemical flavoured aftertaste.) out of the cage, but a few times of doing that & having my knees cool down to stiffness, snuffed that bad habit. The trick for me is not only learning what refueling and re-hydration needs, but trying the find the minimum amount of foods that will meet this need. After all I am lugging an extra person along, squeezed into my skin with me.. so I am all about burning the fat up fuel. I made it to the biker(Harley) cantina & gas station/hamburger joint where I celebrated with the most incredible chocolate milk. The timing was lucky too as my tummy was upset from the soy-chorizo tacos for breakfast.

Pedaling back home the temperature went up a few degrees at the same time the humidity and wind increased, so it felt colder. Along the way, I passed  a swarm of turkey-buzzards feasting on a recently hit-by-car-deer, a few cyclists pedaling the other way & a couple of guys way out, running. I also stopped once to get a picture of a baby exotic deer. I was almost home! Feeling a surge of excitement for success(or complete loss of social decorum), here's where the crazy part began.

 Almost home!At a main intersection with about 5-6 miles to go, I started yelling out-loud to myself."Almost home. Go Dawn, Go! SPRINT! Pedal Faster! SPRINT!Faster!Change Light! SPRINT!" Pickup drivers weren't honking at me for taking the lane on the bridge overpass. They were trying to decide is I was off my meds! HA! No one was avaliable to cheer me on, so I had be my own cheering squad. Well my sprint may be slower than Lance Armstrong's warm-up ride on a tricycle, but I sustained as hard as I could. My breathing may have sounded similar to a sumo wrestler trying to run a mile. When I got to the house, I looped around for a mile until my breathing was back to normal.

 After peeling out of cold sweaty clothes, I crawled under the electric blanket to warm up. This didn't work so I finally took a hot shower.  A salmon cup for a snack, then I was out the door with an impatient Scottie for a walk. Plan for the rest of the week since I cant make the pool, 90 minutes walk-run in the mornings, my regular Golds gym days for functional weights, & bike rollers & dog walk in the evening. I will not allow the car being broke to derail  me in more than I can possible help.

Zentriathlon Base Camp 2009: My View

 Triathlon camp was really good.  I was the only girl, the only beginner, & the only chubby person to participate in the entire camp. (Let me add there were 2 accomplished female triathletes at camp, but their schedules prevented complete participation to their dismay!) I was very lucky that the athletes involved were kind & friendly towards having a none-athletic body type in their midst. It was a good way for me to see firsthand just how we all delude ourselves regarding exercise & lifestyle food choices.(I Had been walking, and eating whole-grain organics after all...)  Let me say the delusion lasted until I walked in and Saw these people up close! Suddenly I was thinking, “What the hec, am I doing here, am I nuts!” I was hesitant but determined to be humble & stubborn enough to do the activity regardless but prepared to be dropped or left. Getting suited to swim in the pool with these 6-11% body fat guys was test of determination. Luckily everyone was already busy swimming when I arrived at the lanes, so someone invited me into his lane & told me about pool etiquette.  A few years ago such action would have been almost impossible for me. Spiritual expansion has allowed development of patience and certainly grateful humbleness along with enough internal strength to tackle another life improvement. The road goes ever on.

 Day 1: Morning discussions/lectures, vegan/raw cooking demonstration for lunch, followed by 5 hours at TAMU Recreation Center . Athletes were videoed at different intensities for run and swim then form critique & suggestions for improvement. I'd never heard of running cadence. I couldn't understand that I could go slowly, yet still have a 90 beats a minute cadence. I'll be working on this for some time. My idea of walk-run was way more walk than run & a slow run... Our vegan, organic, lunch was surprisingly fantastic thanks to @holisticguru, Chrisitn Lynch.  I would say running will be the hardest sport for me, simply due to impact and the never ending search for enough support for a large chest that still allows one to breathe.

Day 2: Same format as Day 1, but adding in core strength training & bike fitting.  This was pretty interesting. It was decided that I might benefit from wider handle bars. My Bianchi Dama Elle has female specific geometry, yet I have broad shoulders, and my hands are in the bar curves, thus my wrists, hands and finally arms fall asleep. Every one received a few tips and I enjoyed a chance to really look at some very nice bikes! Next we were off to TAMU Recreation Center again. After wearing ourselves out at the gym, it was back to camp for the most incredible 5 star gourmet, vegan,meal ever!  This is easily my new favorite dinner! Who would have ever thought vegan could taste so GOOD?

  At the gym, being a very beginner, I simply swam... swallowing air & water when-ever I took a breathe. I asked what to do so I wouldn't need to burp (voraciously!) This is such a simple issue that initially no-one had a response! One triathlete, Brian( @triboomer) showed me how to use various equipment and to develop an idea regarding swim drills. Another athlete in my lane finally discovered my issue. Bubbles! Simply blowing bubbles! Or expelling air while underwater. Proper breathing. I wasn't doing this! I was trying to blow out and suck air in during that 1 second your head is sideways in the water. Such a basic concept, yet I didn’t know it. Combining this information with Brians tips for the lap board, I am getting better!

Day 3: The 70 mile Ride of Truth.  I felt that it was important for me emotionally to finish the ride with the group, so I opted out of joining them on the morning section of the course (due to the hill climbs). Instead, I tossed my bike & gear in a girlfriends CRV & we hosted a 1/2 way snack & hydration station. After riders refueled, we were off. Immediately I realized that since I had been riding without a computer, I didn't know what 15mph felt like. Right away I realized I wouldn't be able to sustain that for 3 1/2 - 4 hours.  I had planned to be last, to be dropped, so while I was bummed to think this, realistically I had expected it. I was sorry to miss out on the camaraderie of the group, but there is no-way I could have pedaled and talked at 15mph for 40 miles. It takes me about 3-5 miles to settle in on the bike; to have my breathing comfortable & a pedaling rhythm that's smooth.

 Rich Roll ended up riding alongside me for some miles. At first this startled me.  My imagination was quick to provide flashing views of increasingly worse headlines shouting about a non-triathlete beginner, wrecking into him and shutting down his season before it even began! This alone made me almost wobble into him twice. Luckily for me, he didn't react in panic or disgust, so as my thoughts settled, so did my pedaling. He'd never ridden in central Texas before past cows or horses while I can barely imagine riding in Malibu. Rich emits solid calm strength. He is a wonderful riding companion, while we didn't speak alot, I appreciated his amicable silence. I hope I get to ride with him again.
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 At a road change, the group waited for us and another rider, John(a local firefighter/Marine/rodeo peacher/ultra-runner), dropped to my slow 12 mph with a few others to give me an idea about drafting and riding in a group.  This was fun and nerve racking as I worried about hitting the tire in front of mine, but a few times I could feel the benefit of being out of the wind. After the group disappeared into the horizon, I pedaled beside John. Every mile for him was a mile farther than he had ever ridden, after mile 30! His body builder frame slowed him down to my pace and we shared conversation depths, I have rarely shared with another. I have been gifted with a friend, from this ride. There is truth to the statement that one really can get to know another during a several hour base pace training ride!

 I ended the ride only about 20 minutes behind the 15 mph group and dismounted my bike crazily hyper and energized! We enjoyed another good vegan meal. We were supposed to do yoga then go to the pool, yet everyone was tired. I wasn't. I was vibrating with energy! I can't pinpoint why. The vegan food, the accepting kindness of and from all the triathletes, the my vega sports drink...somehow I got everything right as far as hydration, food, speed, distance! I went home, made a grocery list off of Christine Lynchs suggestions & hit the store, then another grocery as the closer one didn't have much on the list. Came home and took Scottie Zach out for a 1 hour walk. Finally around midnight I forced myself to lie down.

Day 4: The last day of camp. The Long Run Day. After a morning chat about 'Going Long', we were off to run or run walk, or in my case walk-run for 2 hours. As empowered and incredible as I felt the day before on and after the bike ride... this day imprinted itself on me exactly the opposite. Don't misunderstand please. I am not complaining, more pointing out that Any other run-walk will be an improvement. It was a trail run. I have been walk-running in MBTS. I stumbled into a pair for free.( In another post I'll say how these have been fantastic shoes for me.) My smooth bottomed MBTs weren't built with rainy wet muddy trail conditions in mind. I kept slipping & falling, trying not to wrench any leg muscles. It was frustrating. My legs were muddy.My feet were wet. My shoes were wet and muddy.

 My goal was to keep moving the entire time, complete 1 loop and concentrate on 'proper running form'. Practicing proper running form, I experienced equipment failure. The bra I had been so excited about only a few months prior was failing. It was no-longer a no-bounce sports bra for an F shaped gal. My mind got stuck in a negative loop, wondering what I was doing out in the mud, trying to run. Was I crazy?! Now I was angry, frustrated and disappointed, but still not wanting to fail the simple goal of finishing what I had said I would do. Tear stained, tired, with no sense of joy, I stumbled back into the parking lot. I had completed my 1 loop, finished what I said I would do. I just wanted to fall asleep right there. A few athletes were already there awaiting the rest. After asking how I did and receiving stormy frustrated tears in reply, they offered me much commentary to mull over.

 We enjoyed one last vegan inspired meal together and an incredible stretching session, then these great companions began to filter back towards their own lives. In only 4 days, these individuals had come to be very important to me. Knowingly or not, their comments, kindness, encouragement, cajoling, tips, and very lives of leading by example of action have strongly impacted my future choices. The choice to attend camp I made, with no expectation of what it might bring to my life. I can't say if it was the choice to attend, the exercise, camaraderie, understanding of the drive for improvement, or the focus on competing against yesterdays self, yet I departed an integrally altered individual. I have much to do till death drops in for a visit, and a new awareness of role models I will hold before my mind’s eye.

 One last thing. I went home, and crashed into sleep for a two hour nap.  45 minutes after I was awake, I was in the outdoor pool swimming in a lane next to @Zentriathlon and John Hirsch. I didn't swim as long, as fast, or as much distance as they did, but I swam. A triumph over the ugliness of the morning run! Am I crazy? Yes!

Endless Beginning

In the year and a half since I last posted many things have changed and several more have stayed the same. While I have lost about 12 % body fat from a year ago.. I hadn’t actually lost even 1 lb! Supposedly wise folks, have stated that ‘lifestyle change last best when implemented slowly’. I have the Slow part down pat! All kidding aside I have gradually made changes in the food and exercise department. Whilst the title of my blog won’t be changing… I finally have bike commuting down and would appreciate opportunity to explore other issues. A barrier dissolved within me, as an internal experience from a recent triathlon base camp I attended. I want; no I need to employ this advantage while I am aware of it! Surely I am not alone in these experiences! I am anticipating suggestions, comments, stories, and even a few wonderful connections with amazing individuals.

As my awareness regarding ‘healthy’ foods has shifted or deepened, from once considering, Healthy Choice frozen, dinners, Campbell’s low sodium soup & low fat cheese pizza to more whole wheat, homemade alternatives, to organics, reducing, then mostly removing dairy, and most recently exposure to Paleo, Vegan and Raw via thriving athletes, I have metamorphed via osmosis into a more aware food consumer. This is an ongoing process with slips and falls off the wagon of purity. Indeed the wagon shape-shifts too. There’s so much information, much of conflicting, much of it body specific and even mental specific. How aware am I, How much fortitude do I have to withstand the siren call of an extra crunchy thin cheese & turkey pepperoni & veggie pizza, or chocolate ice-cream. Some of the struggle involves emotional eating. Other bits of the battle mean a gentle wooing of dear friends to understanding the current idea of ‘healthy foods’ and learning methods to divert politely away from a well intentioned home cooked or night out meal involving veggies drowning in butter, oodles of pasta and cheese. Still other struggles are simply the logistics. Buying, preparing and packing lunch and snacks for a full day. No matter the choice, eating ‘healthy’ is a daily challenge.

My self supported delusions aren’t just about food. I’ve been expending plenty of energy deluding myself about exercise, instead of exerting energy actually exercising! After all wasn’t I exercising more than a few girlfriends? Come on people I was riding my bike to work after all! I was walking some mornings. Heck I even began playing (and enjoying!) league volleyball. Regardless the fact remains the vivid white elephant in the room that I am fat and they aren’t. Oh sure, one can be PC and talk about being Fat & Fit, but at the end of the study, the facts still say obesity is a leading contributor to numerous health ailments. Besides that, being fat isn’t fun no matter how jolly one looks. Ask me. Achy knees, sure, slower than anyone else at the same activity, check, spending more $$ for plus-size clothes, yep, always searching for a better bra, totally. Being fat takes a lot of work.

The thing is becoming not-fat takes even more work initially. Monumental gargantuan effort is needed to get the ball rolling. Even more enormous energy is required to sustain any momentum, however small, when faced with the slightest bump in the path. I am not talking just personal physical energy, but also personal and community spiritual input. Change goes against the flow. Change is uncomfortable, even when for a good cause, can be scary. My success will be aided with sincere community support. Yet all the community effort, friendly concerned comments, or ‘diet programs’, gym plans, quick fix pills will continue to fail without spiritual awareness.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes my path is all bumps and no trail. There was a time when I was reeling, feeling very alone, and cheap food offered plentiful false comfort. My granny was murdered; I survived divorce, then the death of a dating companion, then a brush with cancer. A few other pain filled moments in life and finally a little something cracked. With no place to go but up or out… I began reaching for sunshine. Slowly a spiritual expansion sprouted.

A few books opened windows to a brighter, easier way for thinking. The first time I read” You can be Happy No Matter What”, “The Three Pillars of Zen”, “The Road Less Traveled”, I growled, I grumbled, yet a line somewhere stirred a hope within me. I reread the books. I read others. I began writing a quote of the week on my bathroom mirror. It felt odd. I felt false. Enough good feeling resulted for my persistence. Over time, I forgot to pretend, I simply was. A better spiritual emotional base lends its strength to notice other personal aspects that present opportunity for change. This happened until finally a trigger-point for action is reached.

I bought the Bianchi. I really exerted effort, yet still I was stumbling. Gaining endurance, but no speed, I was eating organics including plenty of organic pizza and chocolate ice-cream. I have wallowed in this purgatory for some time. I was trying to exercise, reading or hearing podcasts (but maybe not Really Listening…)but still not making drastic enough changes. All that changed recently. The beginning of my path towards a fitter self was shared. Wisdom these kind souls gave to me continues to illuminate the trail further ahead.

Please share the journey if you wish

A Week Off Helps Even A Non-Athlete Gain Improvements

A couple of weeks ago, I enjoyed a week work training trip to Corpus Christi. I had been biking every day and was doing ok, feeling less tired by the end of the week! Nervous about losing my habit, I made arrangements to have Brett haul my bike down there… As things work out sometimes, we missed our connection and I arrived in beautiful Corpus, bike-less.

The hotel was right on the bay with sidewalks for miles of walking…and the ‘gym’ had both dry and steam saunas. Both classes and conference were really informative. All the varied cuisine was a heavenly treat! I savoured every unusual bite, knowing that once back home, I would be lucky to find a gyro.

Time would have been scarce for biking anyway. Two mornings I went boogie boarding on a friend’s borrowed board, A couple of evenings I walked along the bay. A warning sign said ‘no using the dry, steam sauna, alone’ kept me out the first day, but really who wants to sit in a small sauna with a perfect stranger! My home really needs a dry sauna!

Monday, incarcerated back in College Station, I hopped on The Beast and pedaled off. I was nervous it would be a hard ride. It was Beautiful! 32 minutes later I was in my office! That is 8 minutes off my average! With No extra effort!! My entire next week of pedaling was smooth and easy!

I am not even an athlete. I ride 4-5 days a week, 16 miles per day, usually averaging 40 minutes for my 8 mile commute. Yet even my performance improved after a rest week.

Moral of the story: No matter what level of ‘training’ you are doing, taking a rest week after 4-8 weeks of steady activity will gain you faster time and improved performance ease.

Back in Blogging

I haven’t blogged in awhile because my bike commutes have been fairly routine.. But suddenly I have a back log of comments and need to find time to clean up my blog…( I spent some time looking at some really great blogs on Zen, poetry, organic gardening, solar, tri-ing, weight-loss.. so very many truly incredible individuals out there with a flair for dispersing their view in an informative entertaining style, that so capably wrings an empathetic response!

I have experienced exercise gain/speed gain from the ‘rest week’ participated in a large organized ride, experienced my first 30 mile ride, been humbled by the thoughtful donation of another cyclists ‘hand-me down’ gear, found a new place to live, bought a car that gets 45-52 mpg. And have survived day one of CrossFit Training!!

Check back because plenty of the things I have experienced will benefit from your feedback!

Bike Thoughts

Legs working

Everything smooth

Quietly breathing

Sunrise hidden in cloudbank



Day softly illuminates

Cows watching, wondering

One horse trots the fenceline

Dogs guard their territories

Rising temperatures

Burn back clouds

Heating mesquite blossoms

Heavily into air


Sweat slicks my arms,

happy for the breeze downhill brings

Rasping , I make the top,

stopping for water and a fig bar,

smelling the briar rose climbing a cornerbar

While watching zebras whisk wiry tails patiently

in the shade of the live oak we shared.

Bees bumble, furry legs walking, while tasting my bike


25 miles.

Now I only pedal

Heat melting up from sealcoat

Blistered palms slipping on grips

Slower, yet still I pedal

Back into town,

peaceful sounds of early Texas morning surrender

to whistling trains and humming dually tires



Three miles to go

Slower, still I roll

Calcio cat, ’61 vw

Scent of lavender

Wheels roll into my driveway

A beautiful morning

To wash my bike!!

Texas Democratic Caucus

I rode my bike to the caucus yesterday. After all, somehow I became a precinct delegate, and got voted to the nominations committee. I was a bit nervous to be pedaling thru this neighborhood. It almost qualified to be considered a rough area. But having reconnoitered the location ahead of time, I was aware that the less then 100 parking spots were in no way going to be enough for the expected turnout of 700-900 county level democratic delegates.

What amazes me is that our government is still around.. And sort of considered a world power (world bully, if you will)! Believe me, I am not some hyper aware, democratic rabble rouser. I’d probably be more inclined to accept labels such as libertarian, green party or anarchist. What an unaware, unorganized social gathering populated by the concerned; with awareness levels spanning the spectrum from completely unaware but wanting a change to educated by other’s opinions from late night tv; to the few possibly truly educated Phd’s who were there subliminally supporting their own agendas. Unfortunately I would count myself pretty close to the completely unaware, undereducated, concerned individual.

The only Zen of the day, was the bike ride to and from…Substitute Caucus for Circus and you have a more descriptive term for the three ring event. Prior to the county caucus, I received a 44 page booklet written completely in legalize. These were the rules. Each one of these carefully worded, politically correct sections circled around the laws and loopholes of party regulation while being as clear as obsidian. I translated what I could into laymen’s terms in the corners.

Even at this low level; who you know and money matters, LOTS! Some people Wanted to go to the state caucus. Some people Wanted their friends to go. The democratic party is ALL about Equality and Balance. Privacy is shoved aside as unimportant as they wish you to respond to questions regarding sexuality (are you straight, gay, transgendered, bi), What religion do you claim, What languages do you speak… ETC ad naseum.

If you are a protestant midget of Peruvian descent that is transgendered and speaks 3 languages with a high school education AND you are a democratic delegate… What attributes will another delegate selected need to have to provide a balance for you; aside from being ‘for’ the opposing democratic candidate. Oh and its your money, vacation day’s from work and time that you will spend, should you be elected as a state or federal level delegate. BAH HUMBUG.. But this is till better then having another primate in office.

Hours later, I slowly pedaled home. Being neither wealthy in funds, nor vacation time, I declined to be a state level delegate. These posts went to the fanatics, the monied, and the retired. Are these individuals’ true representations of the Democratic American public? You tell me. Personally I don’t think so.